Hail to the a**holes of the world

I can't think of anything more gay than teaching people the Michigan fight song.

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/columns/story?columnist=maisel_ivan&id=2155513

A few things stand out from this piece of intrepid journalism. First, it takes the typical Michigan football player five years to learn all the words to the song. "It is funny because the first time I sang it, I didn't even know the first couple of words. Now I have been here five years and I know all the words," says Wolverine tight end and lead baritone Tim Massaquoi. I never realized it, but the fact that it can possibly take a 22-year old college "student" five years to learn a simple, quite repetitive ditty is funny! Too bad he can't major in nursery rhymes or jump rope chants -- then he might actually be able to earn a degree. Secondly, none other than Bo Schembechler put it best when he said, "You've heard 'The Victors'...it really sucks!"

But the underlying reason that Michigan football will never truly be one of the storied college football programs is summed up in microcosm by Michigan music professor and castrati Willis Patterson. When he teaches the UM football team how to sing the song, no doubt over the course of many study groups and tutoring sessions, his goal is for the players to "really convince the people on the other side of the camera that are watching that you really believe that you are victors and you are the champions of the West." I guess even if the scoreboard says something else, a stupid fight song will convince these scholar-athletes that they are victors. Trying to convince the audience that they are champions of anything important is the very foundation of Michigan football. When you win one and a half national championships in 70 years and lose more Rose Bowls than you can count (literally, in the case of many Michigan players), all you can do is try to convince people that despite the evidence, you really are a champion. If you encounter any number of Michigan fans the discussion will eventually devolve to the point that they're saying things like "but our helmets are absolutely the best," "we have the most Big 10 championships," and the kicker, "but our stadium is huge! Over 100,000, baby!" as if any of those things could bring a modicum of glory to their program. You got an article on ESPN.com about how all your players learn the fight song? Big deal -- they make movies about Notre Dame.