Welcome (whoosh) to baseball (zip) on Fox (dadumm)

2006 can't come soon enough.

There are many, many things that I hate about Fox's presentation of baseball games, i.e. commercial breaks longer than security checks at the airport, "Scooter", Tim McCarver, promos for crappy Fox shows, entirely unnecessary shots of actors in said shows taking up space in prime seats, Joe Buck, "instant polls" asking inane questions about pitching changes, replays with transitions laden with more sound effects than the Death Star battle in Star Wars, the "right now" box, bumper music from shitty undifferentiated bands, etc. But with two games on simultaneously last night, you'd think that by flipping between them, I could avoid some or most of them. But in one moment, on two channels, Fox showed why its coverage of baseball cannot be allowed to continue for a nanosecond after the current contract expires. Watching the NLCS on Fox, somebody made an out and the announcers threw to Jeanne Zelasko. FLIP. An instant later, during the ALCS on FX, the useless sideline reporter was in the stands interviewing some old guy who was probably the "oldest living fan who saw the last White Sox World Series championship." I'm not sure, because I didn't hang around long enough to find out. I instinctively hit the up button on my remote and watched Court TV for a few minutes just to make sure baseball would actually be on when I returned to the game.

There is so much depth to my hatred of Fox's baseball coverage that I can't explain it all right here. But I think it all comes down to a simple misunderstanding: Fox doesn't realize that baseball is not football. Since they got the NFL, Fox did bring a lot to the broadcasts, including the yellow first down line, new angles on replays, etc. to capitalize on the physical nature of the collisions and the urgency of the two minute drill, which are unique to football. Baseball doesn't have and doesn't need such contrivances. Baseball fans know, understand, and are happy with the "dead space" between pitches or between innings. That has been part of the game forever. A baseball game, properly televised, can supply all the drama by itself with minimal commentary. But "minimal" and "Fox" are never seen together. There's a (gasp) 15-second window between pitches? Better show eight jump cuts of the managers, some fans, a close-up of the pitcher's face so tight you can count his whiskers, another player in the dugout, the managers again, and rejoin the center field camera as the pitcher is halfway through his windup! We don't need to see someone on the bench, we don't need Joe Buck reminding us that A-Rod would bat sixth this inning, especially during the playoffs we NEVER need to throw to the studio (and Jeanne Zelasko and Kevin Kennedy should never be allowed within fifty miles of any baseball broadcast), and we don't need the sensory overload on our TV that goes against the backdrop of a baseball game. Please, ABC, NBC, Food TV, somebody, outbid Fox for the next contract and do this right.