Sing us a song

I admit it...I watched the premier of #1 Single, the new "reality" show that documents Lisa Loeb's dating life. Now, I'm not a big fan of reality TV at all, but there were a few reasons I decided to watch this particular program -- not the least of which is I've had a minor thing for Lisa Loeb since the days of "Stay". The liberal usage of bra-shopping footage was interspersed with some lessons for all of us:

Tell me she's not a cutie!

• Even someone who has achieved the success of Lisa Loeb, who nobody will confuse with Bono or Dave Matthews in terms of recognizability or commercial success, can (and some would argue, must) afford a personal tailor and houses on both coasts.
• SIZE MATTERS! Reference the above mentioned bra-shopping scenes, wherein Lisa and her sister evaluate padded bras and discuss the "up and in" effect. Later, when getting ready for a date, Lisa throws in the anatomically correct breast augmentators. I point this out not because it's so unbelievable, but rather that it's just further evidence that everyone is self-conscious or unhappy to a degree about some part of their body.
• Don't sing karaoke on the first date. Actually, when you're dating someone, it's best to not sing karaoke until after you have an equal amount of embarassing dirt on them, because trust me, you don't sound as good as you think you do. And if you are ever in the position of dating a recording artist, for the love of God, do NOT sing them one of their own songs!
• Ryan Seacrest is a tool and douchebag of the highest order. That's nothing new or unique to this show, but he interviewed Lisa on the radio and in the 90 seconds of the interview that made it on the show, he said about four things that only a complete asshat would say.

Lisa also mentioned the website airtroductions. It's online dating meets frequent flying -- enter your profile and what flights you will be on, and it tells you who else will be on your flight. As long as their profile doesn't say that they have three small, screaming kids or that they smell like beets, I guess I'd take the chance and at least sit next to them on the plane. I just wonder what percentage of the 4134 registered users are looking for mile high booty.

Speaking of reality TV music shows...

The best pure unscripted entertainment on TV was on again last night. I'm talking about the audition rounds of American Idol. For my money, there's nothing better than the entirely predictable yet utterly hilarious cycle some of these people go through. Untalented, unattractive, cocksure contestant brags to the cameras that they are going to win the competition and become the next big thing. Contestant enters the audition room and proceeds to mercilessly attack a song, sending viewers everywhere in search of a letter opener with which to pierce their eardrums. Judges tell contestant, in brutally honest terms, that they are one of the worst human beings on the planet, for reasons that may well go beyond just their singing. Contestant informs judges that they are wrong, and that Contestant is actually borderline Whitney Houston vocally and Jessica Alba visually, when they are actually closer to Roseanne Barr on both scales. Judges tell contestant to leave the room, sometimes with the assistance of security personnel. Contestant, on their way out of the building, informs cameras that the judges don't know real talent when they see it, and that they'll be sorry when Contestant becomes a big star. It's even better when the contestant's family is there, echoing the contestant's remarks, and usually adding the fact that "Contestant is the best singer in our family!"

It wouldn't be so funny if these people didn't take this show so seriously. They really base their entire lives on the approval of the three judges and the chance to compete for a record contract. Let's see, there have been, what, four people ever given a contract because of what they did on this show? And there's what, about four million singers with some kind of deal out there? That they don't realize that American Idol is strictly entertainment -- nobody's really looking for actual talent, they're manufacturing a competition and therefore television ratings -- is the basis for the pure humor in the situation. If you take American Idol seriously, you're a moron. If you don't, then you know what I'm talking about: funny, funny stuff.