We want to be you're consultants

I received a letter today that began like this:

Dear Sir or Madam,

This letter and the enclosed information are intended to introduce our organization to a potential customer like you. As well as, inform you of our eVA participation.

[Company] works in several business intelligence verticals. [Company] provides your business with quality consultants, strategic focus, proven methodology and the delivery of quality solutions.

Business intelligence verticals! I was just wondering yesterday how to better manage my business intelligence verticals!! Whatever the hell that means!

Typical of a consulting company, they send me a letter whose goal is to get me to hire their company, and they immediately waste time by starting with two paragraphs that tell me absolutely nothing about what they do. They mention "eVA participation" in the very first paragraph -- which tells me that it is pretty important to them -- but never mention eVA the rest of the letter! I have no idea what eVA is. Maybe if I did I would be impressed with these guys' experience in strategic focus. And the second paragraph is nothing but empty corporo-babble that is certainly meaningless to everyone below the executive level.

Finally, people, please, master 10th grade grammar. The sentence fragment hurts my eyes. There is no way I would ever hire a company that puts something like that anywhere in the first thing I ever read about them -- let alone the most important place on the page. I pity the people who think this is really their best effort at a direct mail campaign -- but not as much as I pity those who would take the time to read past the second paragraph, let alone hire these guys.

Oh, and did I mention that the return address and my address on the envelope were hand written? Impressive.