There are no cars in doggie heaven

Bandits top 10 (part 1)

In honor of the defending AIFL champion Richmond Bandits announcing their 2006 schedule, I have put together my top 10 moments of the inaugural season.

#10 Indoor Football returns to Richmond

On April 16, 2005, the Richmond Bandits played their inaugural game. After receiving the opening kickoff, it took them just two plays to score and the rout was on. It didn’t matter that the opponent was the hapless Ghostriders, or that the Bandits forced seven turnovers, or that the game ended in a 66-13 blowout – in fact, all that added up to make the fans even more excited about the game. And that was the point. Indoor football was back, Richmond had a good looking team, and the games were fun.

#9 Robbie Jenkins’ first start

After filling in as the backup quarterback for the first half of the season, Robbie Jenkins got his chance to start against the Raleigh Rebels. Having brought the team back to win the previous week (see #2), and played the second half against Erie, he was a known quantity and could have started for most if not every other team in the league. And all he did in this game was go 15 for 19 passing for 150 yards and five touchdowns. More importantly, after Will Burch got a couple of series in the second half that ended in disaster (two interceptions), Robbie got the team back on track after the game was tied at the end of the third quarter, and led them to a 47-39 win.

#8 Not going down to the wire

The third meeting between the Bandits and Legends, though close on the scoreboard (72-69), was a laugher compared to the teams’ first two meetings. Robbie Jenkins threw for eight touchdowns and ran for another, and the Bandits scored PATs on all 10 of their touchdowns compared to just seven for the Legends. Jenkins was actually able to kneel the ball to end the game!

Chris Segaar kicked two rouges, solidifying the kicking game that had been frustrating coach Rik Richards all year.

#7 Regular season champs

On a Monday night, the Bandits played their home regular season finale with no consequences – they would get the second playoff seed win or lose. But with a win they could still claim a share of the regular season championship, which was a huge goal for coach Richards. In a defensive struggle, the Bandits shut out the Rebels in the second half and finished the season 9-1.

#6 This one hurts

In week two, the Bandits traveled to Erie to face the consensus “other best team” in the league. The Freeze didn’t disappoint, matching the Bandits score for score behind the frustratingly dazzling play of David Dinkins. This game turned late in the first half, when Will Burch was hit hard by the Freeze defense and separated his left shoulder. Unable to return, Burch watched Robbie Jenkins play capably, but not well enough, and the Freeze were able to get a timely turnover and win the game by 10. After the game, the Bandits circled the regular season finale on their calendars, a home rematch with Erie. Unfortunately, Erie would never come to Richmond as the league office canceled the last two weeks of the season. That meant that this win locked up home field advantage in the playoffs for the Freeze, as the top two teams would not face off head to head again. A bright spot for Richmond was the play of Bobby Phillips, who ran for a TD and three 2-point conversions, sparking a run during the middle part of the season when Phillips was virtually unstoppable running it in for two.

Click here for the top five.

Back 2 Business

The defending AIFL Champion Richmond Bandits are back! The team announced its schedule for the 2006 season, which includes the home opener against the defending NIFL champion Rome Renegades, who have moved to the AIFL this season. In the new Southern Division, the Bandits will play home-and-home games with each of the other seven teams. Familiar foes in the Raleigh Rebels and the Ghostriders are back, along with expansion teams in Daytona Beach, Rome, Augusta, and Chattahoochee Valley, Georgia, and Florence SC. The season runs from late February through mid-June with playoffs to follow. Get your tickets now!

2006 Richmond Bandits schedule

STIDNAB!

Christmas came early for the AIFL Champion Richmond Bandits -- the rings are in! Aren't they beautiful:

The logo is set on a football shaped ruby that is a brighter red than appears in the picture. It's surrounded by 18 "diamonds" and the words 2005 AIFL CHAMPIONS.


The right flank has the score of the championship game, Bandits 56, Freeze 30, with the words "Inaugural Season" and the team's record (11-1) under a likeness of the Governor's Cup trophy. The left flank has the player's (or in my case, broadcaster's) name, a helmet, and position.


These things are freakin' huge! The top is almost two fingers wide (but keep in mind I have skinny fingers). It's heavy enough to really add some wallop when your right hand cracks someone upside the head, so much so that they'll likely have an impression of the word "STIDNAB" on their jaw. In fact, "stidnab" will probably become a new verb replacing "bitch slap," "pimp slap," "haymaker," "sucker punch," and "give 'em the Davie." First, the rappers will pick it up ("If a bitch disses you, don't be some disgrace/When a bitch disses you, stidnab her in the face"). Then the kids will start saying it, comedians will work it into their acts, it will have its own police code ("possible 10-67 in progress"), and it will eventually become the title of a Lifetime movie about domestic abuse, thus running its course in the realm of popular culture and being generally played out. But by then the Bandits will have a couple more of these honkers and the term will become retro, thus cool again.

And the winner is...

It was the battle of 5th Street last night as I (in my capacity as media representative) attended both the Republican and Democrat election night parties. It was easy to bounce between them -- I've been on zip lines that are longer than the distance between the ballrooms in the Convention Center and the Marriott. We all know who won the elected offices, but here's the rundown on the really important issues.

Media Coverage: Republicans As you might expect, there was a ton of media in both places. 5th Street was packed with satellite trucks from all over the state. We broadcasted from only the Republican HQ, so that would normally give the GOP this category in a landslide. Virtually everyone had a reporter on each side -- but it was clear that most of the male reporters were in the Democrat room, while the female reporters/news bunnies were with the Republicans. An added bonus was being able to check out the assets you don't see on TV.

Music: Democrats The GOP, predictably, played a ton of country during the afternoon. Not exactly my style. Later in the night they switched to the usual selection of cheesy party music for the over-50 crowd, and -- worst of all -- played the same songs over and over again. The Democrats' music was louder and much better.

Food: Democrats No contest. The Dems had a modest spread of munchies, but the Republicans had nothing. Literally. Not a crumb to be found.

Drinks: Republicans The Dems had a good idea, putting the bar outside the actual ballroom so as to hit people before they got in. But that was their only bar, which made it difficult to get a refill once you were in and amongst the crowd. The Republicans had two bars, on either side of the ballroom, and seemed to have a larger selection of truly overpriced beer and wine.

Women: Republicans This surprised me. I figured that the Democrats would attract a younger, better looking crowd, but I was way off. You could not turn around in the Republican room without walking into a group of hot females. The staff was all good looking, and then when the general public started to arrive, forget about it. My friend Chris and I observed that we are in the wrong business and should become politicians immediately. I offered to become a political consultant and poll the electorate. At the very least, we are going to start a political reporting radio station and exclusively cover events like this.

So aside from risking starvation, the Republican party was the place to be. From our broadcast position, we could see the large balloons. And I found out that I'm the same height as Jerry Kilgore, since I was the only person in the room who was tall enough to stand in for him at the podium while they adjusted the lights. Now, to find out where the Republican chicks go for the post-parties...

Trick or Plea

In my typical lazy, half-assed fashion, I came up with a Halloween costume sometime on October 27. Naturally, it consisted of things I either had at home already or could make on my own very easily. But I am actually quite pleased at how well it went over. Many people got what I was going for, some even without having to read my placard. In a stroke of topicality, ripped from the headlines more than any Law & Order episode, I went as Tom DeLay.

In case you didn't know, Tom DeLay is the former Speaker of the House who was indicted on charges of money laundering. This is his actual mugshot:

What the hell is he smiling about? Who is that happy after they've been taken downtown and booked for some very serious charges? I think he knows something...maybe because he has a deal worked out with this guy: